Thinking of people

Tonight, I was going thru my nightly ritual. Get the kids in bed, then off to facebook to catch up with the goings on of the world. I realized as I was going through pictures and posts, how much facebook has done for someone like me. I've never really been the kind of person to call and chit chat with someone for fear that I was bothering them (a byproduct of my up bringing..don't ask.) I would wonder, often, how certain people are doing, were they well? Did they finish school? But there was always a little part of me that felt "Oh, they don't want to hear from me" I guess that I just always figured they're fine and I hoped and prayed that they were. Sometimes I wish that I did call. Sometimes I wish that I kept in touch. Who am I kidding, I wish that all the time. I've lost touch with plenty of amazing people I've met along my journey. But maybe, they were meant to just be a part of
that journey.

Vacation...all I ever wanted.

So my Small and Medium left for a month long vacation to Hawaii with my mother today. As I sit here on the flyaway bus stuck in 405 afternoon traffic I wonder to myself how funny it is that I feel sad. Sure, its to be expected. Sure, I wouldn't be a mom if I didn't miss them. But, I find myself faced with that situation where you finally get what you want and then you don't know what to do with it. I always say I could use a break, or how I could take care of so much while they're away. All I want to do right now is take them to the park. So, I'll have myself a drink and try to enjoy my vacation as well.

What this economy has done for my sleep.

We've all had nights like this. Worrying about the welfare and well being of our families. This is nothing new. Its a tale as old as time and seems to go hand in hand with beginning and raising a family. But what about the "New worry"? The second guessing that is born out of the results of the choices we've been forced to make? The self doubt? The sadness and depression resulting from this "Great recession"?
Among all the doubts is the doubt that I'm alone in this. As a mother, you can't help but think to yourself that, yes, although you have found some way to manage and get by, you've let your family down in some way. Couldn't I have been better prepared? Couldn't I have just saved up a little more? Thoughts of past splurges (although much deserved at the time) now seem so wasteful.
I wonder what impact this shift in life style will have on my children. Growing up it was easy..we didn't have anything and we were used to it. But you always want better for your kids so you work hard to provide that. Then suddenly, things are no longer in your control. Things are no longer yours to give. I guess it would be of some comfort to think that well, we've got each other and that some where out there someone's got it much worse. But that isn't something I say to myself or my children to make us feel better. These are things I've taught them from day one. Embedded into their lives and ways of thinking.
Maybe they'll do better than I thought. I'm hoping.

So here I am..

So, here I am. Almost a year later and i'm still trying to get the hang of this blog thing. I'm happy and not so happy to report that nothing really has changed since this time last year. Still trying to get things off the ground. What to do when all you want is to be your own boss but all you know is how to be an employee? I haven't given up, though which in some way is most of the fight, I guess. In my mind and soul I'm so ready to say "f-you" I'm done with being an asset for someone else. But then the reality of bills and mortgage and survival sets in and I have no choice but to go to work. Don't get me wrong. I know the climate. I'm thankful I even have something to complain about. But it doesn't make my soul feel any less caged in.

I'm just like you...only different

I've started this blog for the same reason that everyone else blogs for....because i've got something to say to a lot of people, i just can't get them all in the same room at the same time. i'm sortof new to this whole blog posting thing so if you're one of the lucky few to be following me, please, be patient with me...i'm just getting the hang of all this..